Acceptance

I did really well right after my daughter was born. I went back to school about two months after I had her and lost 50 pounds in five months through diet and exercise. I felt great and loved my new found freedom and getting my life back. Then one day it all hit me. I was just plain sad. I had never let myself truly grieve for what had taken place. I saw a therapist at my school and slowly I got better again. Through everything though I have never regretted my decision to place, and for that I am thankful. I grieved my lost motherhood. I grieved not being able to be her mom, but I knew that she was where she was meant to be. I wanted her to be happy more than I wanted myself to be happy, because honestly that's all that really matters.

For everyone out there who is struggling just know that it is okay to ask for help. No matter if its been a month, a year, three years or 34 years after placement, it is okay to let yourself grieve. Do not run from these feelings, they will catch up to you and hit you harder. I know that there are many of us who do regret placing our children, and for you I hope you find peace. You made the best decision you could with the knowledge you had. You put your child first in that moment, and that is the most selfless thing you could have ever done.

This last weekend was mothers day weekend and I know for many of us that is the worst weekend of the year. I woke up and felt an overwhelming sadness, thinking about how my motherhood was gone. But then I realized something. It isn't. I love my daughter and I put her above myself, which is what any mother does. I think about her everyday and miss her when she is not around, just like any mother out there. You are all mothers no matter what a mean spirited person says to you. You deserve every ounce of praise that another mother receives. Love yourself. I hope all of you had a good weekend and received that praise. And if you didn't here it is. Thank you for being so amazing. Thank you for being the best MOTHER you could be for your child. Thank you for bringing an amazing new life into this world.You are loved and honored.

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